I wanted to write a post about having children. Now, I know this post may seem strange to some people.. but I'm writing my exact thoughts.
When I was younger, I thought I had my whole life planned out. Marriage, babies, house etc.. How wrong was I?! I was adamant I would be married by the age of 21, my first baby at the age of 18, a house at 25! I am now 28 years old and have not yet achieved any of those things! But that's ok, honestly.. It's not the end of the world.
I've always considered myself somebody who has a way with children (In a good way!). I have always felt like I have some sort of connection with them.. and I seem to attract them. I work in an airport, and many parents travel alone. When they need help they'll ask me to hold the baby which of course I gladly accept!
But, with all of this being said.. I'm not entirely sure I want children of my own. In fact, for now, I am sure I don't want children of my own. I know I'm not the only woman in the world to have said those words, but sometimes other peoples reactions tell me otherwise! If there are any women reading this, who don't want children, just know that It's YOUR choice, and it's ok that you've made that choice. I always get people asking the same questions. "when are YOU having a baby then?", "your turn next!", "you will be a great mum one day!". When I tell people I don't actually want them.. I get the same responses! To be frank, they get on my nerves. "Oh you'll change your mind!", "Don't say that, of course you do!", "You DO want children!". The truth is, we all want different things in life. Some people have children, some don't. Some people get married, some don't. We are all given choices in life, and this choice is one of mine. Now I do have to say, that yes.. I wouldn't sit here and say NEVER. But my decision at this moment in time.. and for the next few years is a no.
In todays world, there is so much pressure to do what everyone else is doing, to fit in. There are lots of girls I went to school with who have children, and that's brilliant! But that doesn't mean we all have to follow suit.
I would like to say something that I feel, from my heart.. and something I truly believe. I believe that if I ever became a mum, I would succeed. Having a hard life means I know what I could do differently if I was ever given the chance. I know what kind of life I would want for my children, and sadly that is what scares me.
Being a parent is by far the hardest job in the world! (I'm sure the parents are all nodding away!). It takes a lot of courage to bring another human being into the world, and to give all of your undivided attention 24/7. I think that's what I'm scared of. I have so many expectations of what I would have to be as a parent. When I was younger, I had dreams of being the best mum in the world. I would love my child unconditionally, and give them everything I always wanted... and needed. I always knew I would change the cycle that occurred in my family.. I would be the one who gave my child what nobody in our family ever had. That is why I don't have children. I feel like I'm not able to give those things! I know its negative, but I don't know what I would do if I ever failed them. I realise this is what every parent goes through.. but with me its the reason I don't have them. I don't have a lot of self confidence, something I have written a post about. Self-confidence stops me from seeing what is probably great potential.
I know that one day, I want to foster children. I want to help children who are less fortunate than those born into a family full of love. When I was younger I actually wanted to go into foster care. I used to hang around with a friend who was in foster care, and her foster parents were the nicest people I've ever met! (I am still in contact with them, and they are my inspiration). I was always there, helping with the babies and the other children.. I loved it! Another question I am always asked.. is "what does your boyfriend think of this?!", "is your boyfriend ok with this?!", "does he not want children?". My boyfriend is everything to me, and his decision is so important. How lucky am I to have a boyfriend who stands by my decision.. and also thinks in the same way as me. The answer to those questions, is that he is open to anything. My boyfriend is ok with the decision to foster, although its something he would like to think more about, and pursue further down the line.
I love my life. To say that, brings a massive lump in my throat, because it's all I've ever wanted. I may not have children, I'm not married, I'm still renting. But I am happy. I have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, amazing family (A small number of family) and I'm happy with where I am. I may not have the job that I enjoy, but I'm earning money and saving towards the future I've always wanted for myself. I want to travel, I want to live. I know that I don't have space in my life right now for children.. I want to make sure that I achieve everything I want in life before I think about becoming a Mum.
I wish that people would understand the thoughts I have, and so many others who think like me. I'm content with my decision, and I wish others wouldn't be so pushy.. and talk to me like they know me at all. I know its hard to understand that I want to foster but not have children of my own? But to be honest? I'm the one who made this decision, not them. I know I'm doing what I feel is right in my heart, and that's all that matters.
Don't be afraid to be YOU. Don't be afraid to want the things you want, to make the choices you make. We don't have rules to follow in this life, nor do we have guidelines or deadlines to meet. We are all unique and special in our own ways. Life isn't about doing what everybody else is doing just for the sake of it, it's about living the life you have chosen to live. So if your decision is not to become a parent? embrace it. It's completely ok to not have those things! Don't ever feel under pressure to become something you're not ready for. If I ever have children one day.. I am so ready for the "I told you so" comments. We don't have to feel like we've made the wrong decision. So hold your head high with your decision, and if you change your mind.. that's ok too :)
What are your thoughts?
Rosie xx
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