Anxiety & Depression

                                                    

In my own words...

What is anxiety? It's something I have suffered from, for a long time!  An inner demon that tries to control our thoughts and actions, taking us into a panic state of mind that we cannot get out of. It creates fictional scenarios that, quite blunty, will probably never happen! (For example: walking into a pub for me is hard, my mind will tell me that something terrible is going to happen, somebody is going to throw bottles at me! or fights will break out at every angle!) - a prime example of how good our brains are at exaggerating simple situations! 

My anxiety started because of my horrible past, and it gets worse around alcohol, fights, loud voices.. and crowded rooms. I cannot explain exactly why it happens.. but I can tell you what happens. 

• My body tenses up - teeth chatter 
• My body begins to shake uncontrollably 
• I feel light headed.. sometimes feel weak
• My heart races.. and I struggle to breathe

The most important thing people forget to do is breathe. In the moment of panic we often forget how important it is to breathe properly. I find that its easier to take in a deep breath... hold it for 5 seconds.. and slowly breathe out again.. Don't let the anxiety take over you mind as well as your body! 

For those of you who struggle with anxiety or depression.. don't be ashamed. It's so common these days.. and I feel like the world as it is now is partly to blame. There is so much stress in our workplaces.. home lives.. people are struggling to make ends meet because of the ongoing problems with money etc..

what is depression? It's a horrible feeling. It's feeling lonely.. even in a crowded room. Its feeling sad and you don't know why? depression is not knowing what you want, why you want certain things.. its the fear of the unknown. Depression is thinking so low of yourself, giving up on life.. feeling useless and invisible. Depression fills our minds with complete and utter sadness, and makes us push away people without intention.. building up walls in fear of being hurt. 

I have suffered from depression for years - again because of my past life. I spent years sitting in my room.. in floods of years.. yet I had no idea why I was crying (many people will say that they cry for no reason - usually, there is a reason.. its hidden underneath and we've learned to push it to one side.. we cry too much now.. that we simply forget why...) I would go days without eating.. and then I would go for days with eating too much! I would have days where all I wanted to do was sleep.. and other days where all I wanted to do was stay up and have my music loud and write poems. 

I knew I suffered from depression but I was too ashamed, and too scared to tell anybody because whilst I was at school.. being depressed was WEIRD. I'm not ashamed now, I know its part of me.. and I have become a different and most definitely stronger person because of it. 

It's ok not to be okay.

Everybody at some point in their lives will go through some sort of depression. Some of us deal with it better than others. I sucked at dealing with it at school.. and when I was younger.. but you can't blame me! I was only young! 

My worst depression was in 2011 when I was so depressed all I could see was pain around me. I was angry at life for keeping me here for so long when all I wanted was to disappear (For those of you who self harm because of depression - trust me when I say it really makes things worse. The pain may feel like its easing your pain inside.. but trust me there are other ways.) I was angry every time I woke up, because I was still here.. still here to make it through yet another day. 

But guess what I GOT THROUGH IT because I had to. I had family and friends who really cared about me and depression is something that will cloud our eyes of how much love and support we have around us! 

Music saved my life. Listening to my music - to songs that related to how I was feeling took away some of my sadness! just a few of the songs that I believe, saved my life:-

• Good Charlotte - Hold On
• Linkin Park - Numb
• Christina Aguilera - I'm OK
• Christina Aguilera - Oh Mother
• Duffy - Distant Dreamer
• Simple Plan - Untitled 

Just remember guys.. you're not alone with Anxiety and Depression so many of us go though difficult parts of our lives, but we just have to remember to remain positive and see past the negatives. We are all victims of ourselves sometimes.. we become our own enemies sometimes.. but just remember YOU control them. They do not control you!! We often forget how we are hurting those around us who care about us.. I hurt a lot of people when I was severely depressed.. and I cannot rewind time to undo that..

I hope some of this brings comfort to some of you.. I do still suffer from them.. but I've learned how to control them a bit more :) 

Rosie xXx