Feeling lonely in a crowded room

Hi guys!

I'm sure, at some point in our lives, we've all felt a little lonely.

Being lonely doesn't necessarily mean you are alone. (Mad isn't it?). You could be standing in a room full of people and still feel like the loneliest person in the world. I have dealt with this feeling for as long as I can remember. It comes creeping up on me when I least expect it, and it's not easy to shake off.

Sometimes we feel like the world is closing in on us, and that everything around us is non existent.. and other times we are the ones who are non existent.. as the world continues to turn. I would feel lonely almost every day as a child. I always felt as though I was truly alone in this world! Don't misunderstand me, I had friends and I had people who DID care about me, but sometimes It's just not enough. It's hard to explain to people who have never felt this way, or not on a regular basis like others do. To walk into a room and either feel like all eyes are on you.. or you feel invisible, as if nobody has noticed. 

I often sat in class, and felt so lonely I could cry. I could even be out with a group of friends having a great time.. and then it hits you like a storm that's been brewing. It drains your energy and life from your soul, and takes you into deep thoughts and make you feel like you are outside your own body. It hits without a warning, making you feel like you are completely alone. 

There are times in life when I wondered if I would ever feel like a somebody. I often wondered if I would ever feel like I would never be alone ever again. The truth is? it has never really left me. I am able to control my feelings a lot more than I ever have, but loneliness does come back to visit sometimes. I could wake up in the morning, and sadness takes over. I begin to feel a wave of sadness and a familiar feeling of anxiety will hit me. I think people seem to think that if you seem happy in your life, then you have no reason to feel negative emotions. Alas, we are human after all! 

I seem to have found some things that help me cope better with my situations, and sudden bursts of loneliness or sadness! I know I've mentioned it before in recent posts, but my biggest help.. is music. Music saved my life when I was a child, and it still has the same emotional affect on me now. I am somebody who listens attentively to every single lyric of a song, and the lyrics I can relate to speak directly to my heart. 

I know I always say it, but I'll say it over and over if it means I'm helping somebody through this little thing we call life! We are all stronger than we think. I've been dealt some of the worst cards in life, I'm not the only one, and I'm most certainly not the last! I am also not the one who has had to deal with the worst, but we all handle certain situations differently. Although controlling my thoughts and feelings is a lot easier than it was when I was younger, its most definitely still there. 

I think its important to find something that allows us to relax and deal with our feelings and emotions.. and try not to let it control our lives. (I know.. I know.. easier said than done that's for sure!). It's important to have somewhere we can go to collect our thoughts, and to feel the ground beneath our feet.. it's easier not to fall when you know the ground is not so far away. 

Loneliness is a killer. That's a fact. When I feel alone, I feel like nobody cares, that my life is shit, that I have absolutely no purpose.. that I'm failing at everything. The truth is, when I snap out of it.. I'm NOT alone, people DO care, my life ISNT shit, and I most certainly DO have a purpose. So I think we can all learn a lesson here. Don't let your thoughts take over for so long that we lose sight of what we really feel. Our brains are very good at putting us into a state of mind that makes us FEEL like we are alone. 

We all need a hand to hold sometimes, a warm hug, a phone call.. just to remind us that people really do care! That's a given. I am one of those people that need to be reminded that people will stick around. I'm needy and I'm clingy.. and I would do anything for anybody. Sadly though, that's not always the best thing to do! I am somebody who wants to know that I'm not going to be left behind. I know its not easy, its not easy being me neither! ;) 

We are not human if we don't feel the negatives just as much as we feel the positives. What matters the most is how we deal with it, and how we learn from the mistakes and the scenarios thrown at us. In life we all go through stages where giving up seems like the best option. I've been in a very dark, lonely place growing up.. and I know how hard it is. But, I am sat here now typing this, from my heart, helping others who are feeling the same. How cool is that? 

So don't give up. Don't let your inner demons dictate what you do and how you feel. You are in control of your life. You are not alone. Life is a bitch sometimes! But you can't let it push you over without standing your ground. Stand tall, take a deep breath, straighten your crowns and walk the life you've been chosen to walk with your head held high. Life isn't always rainbows and unicorns, but its worth fighting for. You never know what you can achieve! Reach out to people and trust that one day, your words will be heard. You are powerful, you are loved, you are strong.

I hope this helps ;)

Rosie xxx